I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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