Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think a kid would responsible me up
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
