I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
