OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
