Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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