I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
