Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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