I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
