We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
