Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
