Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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