I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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