she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
