i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
