the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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