i just had sex bonerless
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
