She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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