She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
