What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
