Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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