I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
