Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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