I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
