K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
