You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize