I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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