OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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