I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
