Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
