i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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