Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
