your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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