where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
