remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
