If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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