pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize