So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have aggressive nipples.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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