feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
