I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
