He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
