You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
