so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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