there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Two words: blizzard sex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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