He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im holly from the hills drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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