so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize