need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
