We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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