I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
