I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
