these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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