But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
