Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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