My hair reeks of homosexuality.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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