i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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