I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
