Please, let me fuck your mom
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
