I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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