Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
