I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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