DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize