her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
