so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
