I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
