Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
