Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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