Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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