Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
