mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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