That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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