I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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