This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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