i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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