Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You made out with two different species that night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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