Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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