I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
