I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My hand turned me down
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
