2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
