why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
