it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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