Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize