At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize