I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
