doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
