I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
