Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you win again, gameday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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