cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize