i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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