why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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