She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Two words: blizzard sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
