I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize